I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but completing something big is so rewarding to me because it is truly a rare occurrence in my life. You see, finishing is not my strong suit. I am an amazing starter. In fact, I get such an adrenaline rush from starting something new that it is almost addictive for me. Unlike many people, I love change. I thrive within change, and even within some level of chaos. I've learned that this is very common among entrepreneurial types. However, I have also learned that in life you cannot always be just a starter. There are some things you simply have to see through to the end.
Many of you know that early September last year we were at a crossroads for our business. Our lease at our first location was quickly coming to an end and a new location had presented itself. We were faced with the decision of whether to keep the retail division of BE WELLness, or dissolve it and simply move forward with services. It was a painful decision. Painful because the easy, better for our family, decision was obvious, and very tempting. It would have been so easy to just liquidate all of our inventory and quietly shut the doors at the end of 2017. However, I had zero peace with that solution. And, there was, of course, the lure of starting something "new" as far as rebranding and relocating the store. I knew it was not going to be easy, and although I was fully prepared to embrace the oncoming chaos, my family was not as excited about it. Shea, being an incredibly loving and caring spouse, was worried about me. In fact, he was so worried that he gave me an ultimatum of sorts (very uncharacteristic of him). He told me that he would 100% support me continuing forward if, an only if, I agreed to get some help with the business. I agreed.
So in September 2o17, we hired a business coach through E-Myth and began to design and implement business systems for the first time ever. I worked diligently (perhaps even obnoxiously) to get through the intense level of work that needed to be done. By the end of the month, I had a very realistic picture of all that needed to be accomplished throughout the next year and I was on track towards meeting the goal of finishing business development by September 2018. Then, my adrenal system failed me. Or, rather, I failed it. I had been working very late hours--often sitting at the computer until after 2AM--and by the end of that first month of working on the business and preparing for the move, my body was shot. If you've ever had a nervous breakdown or experienced adrenal fatigue or failure, I'm sure you can relate.
I was extremely fatigued, had no appetite, experienced blood pressure issues to the point of nearly fainting multiple times per week, my blood sugar stopped self-regulating, I had insomnia, my hair was falling out, I was nauseated and experienced violent episodes of shaking and heart racing. It was terrifying. In fact, that last week in September I vividly remember going to bed two nights praying that I would wake up in the morning to see my family because I was genuinely not sure I was going to wake up. I feared sleeping, which further perpetuated my adrenal fatigue. Finally, after 2 weeks of struggling, I decided to go to Urgent Care on Saturday, October 7 since Shea didn't have to work and could take me. I called ahead and was told they would not see me due to the cardiac symptoms I was experiencing. I was instructed to go immediately to the ER. Long story short, I found out my thyroid was out of sync again and that all of my symptoms were from some combination of that and stress or anxiety.
The big problem was that the business work was still there, and I was the one who was going to have to do it. I had to figure out a way to meet the tasks at hand while not allowing them to kill me. While I haven't necessarily perfected that balance, I have learned a lot the last year. And the lesson that has left the deepest impression on me is redefining closure. Previously, I condemned myself for not being a finisher. I saw it as a great weakness, something to be highly concerned about. However, what I have since recognized is that closure is so subjective. What feels like completion to one person is just the start of a something new for someone else. I have learned to set goals-bold goals even, but with the acknowledgment that things will change along the way, and some things will never finish as I first thought they would. After a year of business development, I can honestly say I feel closure. That certainly does not mean that everything is done. There are still systems that need to be observed and revised, and I'm positive some systems are still missing completely. However, I do feel a sense of peace that the business is developed to the point that I had hoped it would be by this time. Simply Nourished is working, and this is largely because I was finally willing to press through the tension of finishing--casting away the perfectionist, all or nothing, mindset I admittedly lean towards, and, instead, embracing a redefined idea of closure. A perfect example is this blog. I committed to writing every week for 52 weeks. This week is week 52. Did I get every blog post shared at the same time each week? Nope. Did the content embody perfection? Nope. Are there hundreds of followers seeking it out each week? Definitely not.
I'm pretty sure there are only like 12 regular readers. So, if you're reading this, hey hey, that's you! But, with closure redefined I'm okay with that. I did it. One year of faithfully showing up to type some words on a screen is complete. It's official. I'm a finisher. Just call me "the closer" because that's pretty much what I am now. At this point, I have no idea what week 53 will bring. I haven't planned that far ahead. Up next perhaps--procrastination redefined?